Prisencolinensinainciusol

This as what the italians think english sounds like. That man

just made up sounds and called it english. It fooled half the

population of Italy and caused quite a scandal

Have you ever sat and thought "Gee, I wonder how big an atom is in relation to coffe bean"?

Well wonder no more.....Shaaazam!

By Saturn Rings

This stunning photograph of Saturn took me a few mineuts to workout. The farside of the ring which is just above the large moon can be seen disappearing behind Satarn's dark side. From the ever brilliant Boston Big Picture.

Lots of dimensions

Watch Imagining the ten dimensions in Educational | View More Free Videos Online at Veoh.com

Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!
Wheeeeeeeeeeee!
Ahhhhhhhhhhh!

Religion Explained, Volume 1

A long time ago in India
this king had about a hundred wives
and they all hated each other.
Mean
They also hated on their step-sons.
One in particular they messed up bad
He had to leave. The king was sad.
This was his favorite son
or eldest,
whatever.
His name was Rama.
I think he was a God of sorts
but not at the moment.
He wondered off into the jungle
and he met a lovely lady
called Sita.
She was a hottie.
They wondered about in the jungle
doing lots of the magical sex.
Then this demon came along
and fell in love with Sita
he stole her or insulted her or something.
But he had twelve heads,
for real.
This pissed off Rama something bad,
he was angry and chased after the demon.
The demon ran away.
Oh no.
The demon went to an island.
I don't know what the island was called,
but now its called Sri Lanka.
Lets assume he had Sita with him,
against her will.
He was still cussin' her though.
The island was very far away,
Rama was all bollocks
and turned around.
Then Hanuman, the Monkey God came along,
God of the frikkin' Monkeys.
Hanuman was good
and made all the monkeys into a bridge
which is kind of bad.
Rama crossed the bridge
with all his friends,
who he had all along,
and had a fight with all of the
demons friends.
I think this went on for years.
Thousands were killed.
Lots.
Then Rama chopped of all the demons heads.
Blood was every where
Now he could go back home,
for some reason.
He took Sita with him
and said only nice things to her.
Everyone was happy that Rama was back
they made lots of candles
loads of candles
and lamps
everywhere.
Lighting the path.
Rama and Sita were married.
It was awesome.

HAPPY DIWALI EVERYONE!

Sack Children

Typographic Logo

There are too many Japanese town logo's to pick from in this collection at Pink Tentacle. Each one is a based on a the towns name and utilizes multiple alphabets to create a clever visual puzzles.

Ru: The logo for Rumei consists of the katakana ル (ru) surrounded by four seagulls.

Kris Kuksi

Breathtakingly detailed macabre sculptures from Kris Kuksi

Waiting Faithfully at the Door Way to the Sky

How to turn your brain inside out

Hey, I read somewhere  that mathematicians can turn a sphere inside out...

AHHH! Time Travelers

Inexplicable love of buttons

Its the smile on his face

He Trusted You

A Review of 'We Are the Friction'

I first met Jez Burrows whilst visiting friends in Leith in Edinburgh. We were walking past Cables Wynd House and through a group of lads which my hosts would have defined as NEDs (Non Educated Delinquents). They were passing around a two liter bottle of White Lighting and their eyes were following us. 

My friends walked past confidently but I, unused to attention from such a rough sort, was scared. These NEDs (No Equipped Decorum) must have sensed this. An arm shot out and grabbed mine. 

I froze

All I could do was look up this tree trunk holding me, to its face atop a fat neck.

And I relaxed

His features was granite hard and he had a scar on his red left check, but his eyes. His eyes were sky blue and through subtle twitches and spasms they were trying to tell me that I was welcome to walk through his estate, despite my fay and foreign nature. That his friends and him, although rough and ready, were also gentle and welcoming and I had 'naught' to fear from anyone whilst I walked on his land.

These compassionate eyes set in a rock hard face were framed by a mane of golden locks that reached his thick set shoulders. He looked like a lion regarding a cub. 

He opened his mouth to speak. 

"I have never been able to grow a beard..." He rubbed his smooth chin

"...because all my power can be found in my hair." Like Samson I thought.

"But if I were to ever shave it all off, do you know what would happen?" I shook my head

"I would instantly grow a beard" I nodded vigorously, eager to agree

"And do you know what that would sound like?" He growled, bringing  his head close to mine

"Imagine a large basin filled with flour......" His breath smelt of vinegar

"......then drop a dinner plate into it"

"Pooof" I said

"Exactly" he whispered and let go of my arm. 

He handed me his card and we walked away. The exchange had lasted less than two minuets and that was the first time I met Jez Burrows.

Never in a million years will there be anyone as fuck nut hard as this boy and his chicken

FUCK YOUR EYES AND ALL THAT THEY STAND FOR

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hazzah!

Its a bit late, but still worth a mention; Anthony Brown has been crowned the new Childrens Laureat.

Don’t perform oral sex on girls against the city wall like a dog

A page cataloging the graffiti found on the persevered remains of the doomed city of Pompeii makes for interesting reading.

Chris Wormell

I've grown up with Chris Wormell's prints hanging on the walls, having holidayed with his family many years ago. His most recent work for the guardian is sublime.

In the age of screen prints and photoshop wizardry I think its worth noting that most of his work is lino printed.

More or Less

The saying "Less is more" annoys me. Sometimes it is true; a subtle reduction or even heavy editing can improve many things, from an outfit to a drawing. Although more often than not, more is more.

Scopitone

I still carry a lot of this issues I had as a child

I used to watch a lot of star-trek as a kid and it pissed me off. Like any right-minded child I loved space ships and lasers, so I was naturally drawn to the science fiction series. Occasionally it would pay of with medley of destruction and jargon, but more often than not it would descend in to a boring pit of morality and philosophy. 

A typical episode would feature the giant spaceship that all the characters lived on, being assailed by a powerful entity or creature(s). Then the crew or a single crewmember would have to reason with the being(s) and save the day. The aliens in question often took the form off an omnipotent gas or an omnipresent light bulb and so on.

Like an episode of sesame street the alien would learn the meaning of love or how to share, the crew would laugh and que the credits.

This pissed me off.

I wanted to watch a starship fight-a-thon. Not space-hippies in space. My imagination has always helped me deal with anger and disappointment. As the title credits rolled I would grab a large orange. If it looked like my blood lust would not be sated I would exact my revenge.

I would imagine that the orange was the Spaceship and I the god-like alien causing them grief. I would chuck the fruit in the air and let it fall to the ground, imagining the crew being shaken around inside their vessel. As I peeled away the skin, the engineer would report shield failure. Pleas of compassion would be sent my way and ignored.

When their shield completely removed I would tear off a segment and bite in half. Some one would inform the captain that the hull had been compromised and 18 people had just died.

At around this point in the show a crew-member would have a flash of inspiration and the problem would be solved. In my mind I watched them try to implement a life-saving plan (“It’s a long-shot but it might just work”) and fail. They get eaten.

I work my way around the ship until I’m left with one segment. Between thumb and forefinger I regard the last piece of the ship. Inside the only surviving crew member. If the show had reached this point, with everyone else dead then they would pull out a dues-ex-machina that would save the day.

Not today. This is no dream or holigram Jean-Luc Piccard.

The entire crew dies in my cut and the show is cancelled, ruining the lifes of the cast and production team.

Life is like a Hurricane....

Me and a few friends were taking part in that age old conversation: "..do you remember that cartoon from when we were kids"; the conversation that voids a persons status as a free thinking individual.

Talk turned to Disney's habit of cashing in on their older movies, using existing characters in new scenarios, for example, Tailspin which featured Baloo from the jungle book. Baloo would fly about in a seaplane whilst his navigator, a small cub surfed the cloud behind, like one would if water skiing at 15'000 feet. 

Imagine if this were real

Picture it. A seaplane flying through the air with a long length of rope trailing out the back. On the end of the rope, tied around the waist is a screaming baby bear, bouncing about at a terrify speed. 

"Baahhhhh! Baahhhhh!

baby bears sound like sheep

Why? Who would do such a thing? Jump cut to the cock pit. It's a bear! A poor grizzly panicking in the confines of the cabin, as the plane starts to hurtle towards earth. Comedic anthropormophic close up of the big bear looking left and right. He doesn't know how to fly a plane (hahahahahahahah)

Jump back to the terrified baby bear, hurling head over heals, bleating with every jerk of the rope. The rope attached to a falling plane.

Back to the cabin. The bear is going ape, growling and tearing at the walls. He's scared too. 

TAILSPIN!

Back Tuva Future

If you could to what this man does then you would have a grin just as big

John Martyn

R.I.P

Back when Mickey was a dick

"..Because Things That Are Not Can't Be!"

I know nothing about this guy, he made me laugh for ten minuets straight and his name is Louis C.K. (Watch it to the end, the pay off is amazing)

Jean Claude....

...Vannier, the mastermind behind the string arrangements on Serge Gainsbourgs 'Melody Nelson', provides the soundtrack for Yves Saint-Laurent fashion show.  

Last Words

I came across the quote from Carol Burnett, an american comedian, remembering the last moments of  her recently deceased grandmother:

"She said to my husband Joe from her hospital bed 'Joe, you see that spider up there?' There was no spider but Joe said he did anyhow. She said 'Every few minutes a big spider jumps on that little spider and they go at it like RABBITS!!' And then she died...."

Don't worry....

...be happy

Directors Cut

Not many people have seen the alternate cut to the film Shawshank Redemption. Frank Darabont, the director behind the films ‘Wingaling Prayer’ and ‘Dumpster’, had wanted ‘Shawshank’ to be an exploration on the toils that age and confinement can inflict upon the human body. Unfortunately Paramount, who funded the film, had other ideas and forced Darabont to make severe changes to his vision. Both Tim Robbins and Morgan Freeman made appeals to the executive producers, but their minds were set.  

The Directors cut is almost entirely the same as the original, except for one key scene that was drastically cut from the cinematic release. The film starts with Andy Doofrane arriving at Shawshank penitentiary thinking about the court case that convicted him, as in the original. We are shown him getting used to prison, being buggered and making friends with Morgan Freeman’s character, ‘Red’, as with the theatrical realise.

Then comes the scene where Brooks, the sweet elderly librarian gets parole.  We are treated to the same sombre letter, narrated by Jamie Whitmore, as we see Brooks adjusting to life outside the prison walls. Then comes the bittersweet moment where we see him carve his name onto a beam in his bed room. A mid shot of his feet resting on a stool, then a step and Brooks feet swing, as he hangs him self.

This is where the director’s cut differs to the public release. The shot of his swinging feet last for five minuets, an uncomfortable length forcing the viewer to contemplate the death of Brooks. Then nature takes over, as the dying mans bowls collapse. A high pitch parp; hesitant at first but then growing in strength. A brief pause and then WOOOSH

A jet of shit shots down into the shot and brooks legs start to swing erratically. Heart wrenching music, as written by Thomas Oldman, starts as the camera slowly pulls back revealing the entire cadaver of poor Brooks being propelled around the room by a geyser of poo, the noose still around his neck. This shot lasts for half an hour.

Then the jet starts to splutter and subsides. Another silent five minuets pass.

Then SPLURUCHH

The fountain starts again but a hundred times stronger. Brook’s body is smashed into the walls and ceiling like a possessed piñata. The music’s starts again, louder and more heartfelt. Morgan Freeman then bursts into the room screaming “FRESH FISH! FRESH FISH!”. He dances the room screaming manically, wildly gesticulating a fishing rod mime.

Then, from being repeatedly smashed against the walls and ceiling, Brooks comes back to life. His confused face contorted with confusion, pain and excrement. With his bowls still rupturing he joins Morgan Freeman and starts to yell “FRESH FISH!” still violently swinging around the room. This scene lasts an hour. Brooks slowly dies and Morgan Freeman gets knocked unconscious by brooks flailing legs. Darabont again gives us another five minuets silence to contemplate the frailty of life.

Then KABOOOM!

Brooks bowls explode